401khaos

My most recent paycheck included my first deduction into my 401k account. Great time to start investing , right? I picked the plan our strapping young advisor, Dario, suggested, hoping to avoid as much as the market volatility as I can (yea right). It's crazy seeing how much people with a lot of money in their 401k's have lost so much recently, even those not involved in some form of Ponzi scheme. It's a little unnerving that my retirement money is in the hands of something I don't know much about.

When I noticed the deduction from my paycheck, it got me thinking about all the things I want to do in life. Places to go, people to see, all that good stuff. Several months ago Rick and I made "things to do before we die" lists. A lot of those things I'd prefer to do before I reach retirement, especially considering I'm probably going to be working until I'm 85 at this rate.

Unfortunately, a lot of those things involve money in some way shape or form. Money is scary to me. Even right now, while I live at home and have very few expenses, money is scary. I very often drift into thinking about whether I will have enough money to move out, to get married, to have kids, to retire. Talk about getting ahead of myself.

There are some things I don't hesitate to spend money on. Food seems to be one of them (surprised?). Gas to go see Rick. Paying back my loans by more than I need to so I'm done sooner. But there are many other things I can't justify spending money on. For example, CNY Blooms (I really like flowers) is coming up in March on a weekend when Rick might be here. I looked it up online to find more info - tickets are $8 each. Forget it. To me, that seems like a lot - even though I know I could afford it.

I think I'm a good saver. I've had a savings account since I was seven and rarely touch it. Direct deposit helps. And now with this 401k I'm putting money toward retirement (aka when my body catches up with my mind).

I wish, to some extent, I could think like those people who say, "You're never going to have enough money to (insert activity here), so you might as well do it now." On the other hand, to some extent I wish I could be more self-disciplined and frugal. I guess I need that happy medium. I need to be not so worried about it that it stresses me, but smart enough so I can be semi-comfortable.

After all, I am looking forward to the day when I can stay home and do crossword puzzles all day long. But I'd prefer to do it with the help of electricity and gas and all that good stuff.

Latest Adult Event: The Baby Shower

Today my mom and I went to the baby shower of a very dear friend. It's not like going to a baby shower is anything new. I've been to my fair share, but not in quite a while. For the men out there who have not been to these mystic events, baby or wedding or otherwise, don't worry. You're not missing much.

I figure there are three tiers of baby shower guests:

1) Girls under the age of 12: They spend most of the time running around and having their cheeks pinched by the resident grandmas and aunts. Their mothers usually force them into the girliest outfit they own, involving lots of pink and ruffles. Usually, they have no idea what's going on as far as the arrival of the baby is concerned.

2) Tweens & Teens: Here the constituency splits - some of these girls legitimately are really interested in the coming of the baby and the conversation of the adults - if only because they want to seem older. Some, however, were dragged by their mom to the shower, and outwardly show that they don't want to be there. Cell phones and loud sighs are crucial accessories.

3) Adults: You know you have reached this phase when you hear yourself say "Awww!" after the opening of EVERY gift - even the washcloths. Acceptable topics of conversation include pregnancy stories, children stories, where your husband is this morning stories, how good/tired/big/glowing the pregnant woman is...and that's about it. The occasional gossip about mutual friends is also shared.

While I do not feel I have completely crossed over into the "adult" category, I feel myself being initiated into their ranks. Now when the pregnancy stories are swapped, I'm pulled into them - "When you have kids you'll know..." The husband stories are substituted with boyfriend and prying minds find themselves asking all sorts of questions about our plans for the future.

Don't get me wrong. I like babies. I think baby things are adorable. However, I do not enjoy hovering bunches of women. That much estrogen in one building isn't healthy. Also, I think a girl should own more than pink (the baby who was the subject of today's shower better be a girly-girl).

Perhaps when it is friends my own age that are having children it will be different. But if you ever hear me oohing at washcloths, feel free to give me a sharp slap upside the head.

To Grow Up or Not To Grow Up

When people learned I would be graduating from SU a year early, I usually got one of two reactions. The first was the "Wow. That's kind of cool/impressive." The second was "Wow. What the hell are you thinking?"

Now that I've actually done it, the question is whether or not a regret it. What a loaded question.

Financially, I can't regret it. Saving upwards of $30,000 of tuition has obviously saved me a lot of debt. Living at home (for now) is continuing to save me money as I've started to pay of my student loans and had to buy a new car.

I also love my job - one that probably wouldn't have been open if I had waited another year. It's really a great combination of the things I liked about my policy studies and public relations majors. Plus the people I work with and the people who receive services from Enable are great.

But I have my moments. When I look at away messages on a Thursday night and they all say "At Chuck's!" When I am dragging myself out of bed on Monday morning and wistfully remembering wearing sweatpants to classes that don't start until 10. When the most riveting conversation I have of the day is about how porn interrupted the Super Bowl. Sometimes you just need to debate the policies of the U.N. or discuss the international political economy of Sub-Saharan Africa.

Perhaps what really got to me was when I started this whole blogging thing again. I went through and read my whole blog from when I was in London. To me, my experiences abroad are inextricably linked with many different things, one of those being school. To be able to say, "Hey, let's go to Paris or Stockholm or Dublin for the weekend," is something I'll probably never get to do again. I miss London tremendously, but maybe I miss what it meant to me even more.

So here I am. No longer a college student, but not quite ready to be an adult. Stuck somewhere in between. But what's done is done and there's nothing I can do about it. To be very sappy:

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

The preceding was one big self-pitying ramble. I apologize. My beginning started a long time ago, and I should probably just get on with it.

So long for now.